Before we start I want to say this about Star Trek Into Darkness: I’ve seen it in both 3D and 2D, and I urge you not to waste your money on a 3D ticket. Seriously, there is nothing in this movie that requires 3D, and it does bupkuss to enhance the experience.

Mind you, this movie is a visual feast, but 3D doesn’t really add anything to the feast except for maybe that piece of parsley that is used as a garnish that you throw away and never eat.

Enough of the tortured food metaphor. I went into STID with very low expectations. As I’ve said in the past, Star Trek is not at its best in movie format, especially in our post-Star Wars world where science fiction movie must equal BIG-ASS ’SPLOSIONS! in order make its box office requirements. At its best, Trek is about the exploration of the human condition, something not remotely on display in either of J.J. Abrams’s films. I figured we’d get what we got four years ago: a visual feast (as long as you don’t mind lens flares), excellent acting, and a script that doesn’t hold together upon scrutiny. My expectations were, sadly, met.

If you want a spoiler-free review, Tor.com’s own Chris Lough wrote an excellent one here. For this review THERE BE SPOILERS HERE!!!! LOTS OF ’EM!

[I was only gone for one day!]

“Dax”
Written by Peter Allan Fields and D.C. Fontana
Directed by David Carson
Season 1, Episode 7
Production episode 40511-408
Original air date: February 14, 1993
Stardate: 46910.1

Station log: Dax and Bashir are having dinner. Bashir is flirting aggressively, and Dax is studiously ignoring his advances. Dax excuses herself; Bashir offers to walk her to her quarters, which she says isn’t necessary. After she goes off, Bashir grins and rationalizes that not necessary means not forbidden, either, thus cementing his skills as a stalker.

He turns a corner to see Dax struggling with two thugs in hoods. Rather than call security, Bashir instead wades in, clubbing the thugs’ boss in the jaw and then getting his ass kicked by those same thugs. Dax does try to struggle free, and also tries to call for help, but it’s for naught. By the time Bashir comes to and it finally occurs to him to use the combadge that’s right there on his chest, Dax and the kidnappers are gone.

[Which not only compromises Bajoran security, but also... annoys us.]

“Q-Less”
Written by Hannah Louise Shearer and Robert Hewitt Wolfe
Directed by Paul Lynch
Season 1, Episode 6
Production episode 40511-407
Original air date: February 7, 1993
Stardate: 46531.2

Station log: Bashir is hitting on a pretty Bajoran woman in the replimat. At the next table over O’Brien is rolling his eyes and snarfing on his coffee. To Bashir and the woman’s disappointment, and O’Brien’s great relief, they’re interrupted by a summons to a runabout landing pad. The Ganges spent too long out of coverage, and their battery is drained of power, and Dax forgot to pack the USB charger. They barely made it to the station. Dax and Ensign Pauley are trapped inside, and they can’t get the door open. Confusing the issue is that Bashir is reading three lifesigns. (Further confusing the issue is the fact that the station has transporter technology, and they could just beam the people off the runabout, but we’ll let that go.)

O’Brien plugs in a charger, and they get the door open. The chief recognizes the third passenger as Vash, who’s been in the Gamma Quadrant for two years. “A friend dropped me off,” she says offhandedly, and as they escort Dax, Pauley, and Vash to the infirmary, we get a look at Q hiding in the background. (Amusingly, Vash doesn’t recognize O’Brien at first. Nobody ever pays attention to the transporter operator...)

[Still chasing your own tail?]

“Captive Pursuit”
Written by Jill Sherman Donner and Michael Piller
Directed by Corey Allen
Season 1, Episode 5
Production episode 40511-406
Original air date: January 31, 1993
Stardate: 46477.5

Station log: A dabo girl brings a complaint to Sisko about Quark sexually harassing her, though she also admits that said harassment is actually part of her employment contract with Quark. Sisko promises to deal with it, but before he can do so, an unidentified ship comes through the wormhole. It’s a single-person vessel, which is badly damaged. The occupant refuses to abandon his ship, but O’Brien is able to tow him in (and talk him through it). Given how skittish the guy is, Sisko suggests O’Brien meet him alone at the airlock.

O’Brien boards the ship. Once the occupant comes out of hiding—he has a personal cloak—he identifies himself as Tosk, which is apparently both his name and his species. O’Brien promises to fix the ship, assuming Tosk will help him figure out how it all works.

[Don’t call me barkeep!]

“Babel”
Written by Sally Caves and Ira Steven Behr and Michael McGreevy and Naren Shankar
Directed by Paul Lynch
Season 1, Episode 4
Production episode 40511-405
Original air date: January 24, 1993
Stardate: 46423.7

Station log: O’Brien is overwhelmed with work. People are trapped in an airlock, a cargo captain named Jaheel has been kept two days for repairs, the lab is emitting a high-pitched squeal, the navigation computer doesn’t work, and the replicators aren’t working right. It is that last repair that proves to be of note, as his maintenance activates a device that has been placed inside the replicator....

Business is very slow in Quark’s as his replicators are down—he’s on O’Brien’s waiting list for repairs. Unwilling to keep waiting, Quark hacks the station records and locates the replicators that have been fixed, then announces a celebration that the replicators have been “repaired” in order to lure customers back in.

[Honeymoon dolphin sky drum.]

“A Man Alone”
Written by Gerald Sanford and Michael Piller
Directed by Paul Lynch
Season 1, Episode 3
Production episode 40511-403
Original air date: January 17, 1993
Stardate: 46421.5

Station log: Bashir tries to hit on Dax and crashes and burns rather spectacularly, especially since she already has supper plans with Sisko. Meanwhile, Odo and Quark gossip about various and sundry things, ranging from disquiet in the O’Brien home to Quark’s Bashir-like infatuation with Dax.

Odo recognizes a dabo player as Ibudan, a black marketer he put away for murdering a Cardassian officer who wanted a payoff to look the other way. He’s free now because the Bajoran provisional government doesn’t view killing a Cardassian as much of a crime. Odo tries to kick Ibudan out of Quark’s, which leads to a brawl that Sisko interrupts his meal with Dax to break up. Odo gives him 26 hours to leave the station. Sisko, however, won’t allow Odo to arbitrarily bend the rules; if Ibudan’s been released from prison, he’s free to be on the Promenade.

[Killing your clone is still murder.]

“Past Prologue”
Written by Katharyn Powers
Directed by Winrich Kolbe
Season 1, Episode 2
Production episode 40511-404
Original air date: January 10, 1993
Stardate: unknown

Station log: Bashir is joined at the replimat by a Cardassian—the only one left on the station—named Garak, who owns the tailor shop on the Promenade. Bashir is a bit of a nervous wreck, as the rumors on the station are that Garak is a spy. After they’re done talking, Bashir runs to ops, now convinced that Garak is a spy and thinking that he’s getting to know Bashir to get Federation medical secrets—which he insists are safe with him, to Sisko’s amused relief.

Just when Bashir’s getting really silly—asking a pained O’Brien to put a monitoring device on him “just in case”—Kira interrupts with a Bajoran ship being pursued and fired upon by a Cardassian vessel. This does not fill Kira with warm fuzzies. Sisko warns the Cardassian off, while the Bajoran ship asks for emergency docking.

[“I think, Doctor, you could definitely use a new suit...”]

“Emissary”
Written by Rick Berman & Michael Piller
Directed by David Carson
Season 1, Episode 1
Production episode 40511-721
Original air date: January 3, 1993
Stardate: 46379.1

Station log: We start three years in the past, with the Battle of Wolf 359. Locutus of Borg—the assimilated Captain Jean-Luc Picard—requests Starfleet’s surrender. We see the battle from the POV of the first officer of the U.S.S. Saratoga, Lt. Commander Benjamin Sisko. The Saratoga’s shields are drained by the Borg, and the ship is quickly trashed. The captain is dead, and the warp core is going to go in four minutes. Sisko calls for evac, then goes to his quarters to find his young son Jake unconscious and his wife Jennifer dead. The tactical officer has to literally drag him away from Jennifer’s corpse. Sisko watches the Saratoga explode from the escape pod.

Jump ahead three years. Sisko is now a full commander and has been assigned to Station Deep Space 9 in orbit of Bajor. The Cardassian Union has withdrawn from Bajor and the provisional Bajoran government has asked the Federation’s assistance in administrating the space station. Jake isn’t thrilled about the new assignment—why can’t they live on the planet instead of some old space station?—but is placated by Sisko’s assurance that there’ll be other kids there.

[“I thought I’d say hello first and then take the office, but we can do it in any order you like.”]

Greetings everyone, and welcome to the Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Rewatch. Having recently completed a similar rewatch for The Next Generation, it seemed only fitting to keep the line moving, as it were, and look at TNG’s spinoff, DS9. While never as popular as TNG in the ratings department, and with less focus from the higher-ups at Paramount who were concentrating on their new network (UPN, launched in 1995 with another Trek spinoff, Voyager), DS9 occupies an odd niche in the Trek landscape. It’s also the only one of the Trek shows that didn’t take place on a ship (though they did have runabouts and, starting in the third season, their own starship, the Defiant), had the largest number of non-Starfleet officers among the main cast (Kira, Odo, Jake, and Quark), the largest supporting cast of any of the shows, was the first to have a non-white captain and a female first officer, and was the most serialized of the Trek shows.

But it also had a lot of Star Trek at its best, as we’ll discuss over the next couple of years....

[Linear time......]

Star Trek: First Contact
Written by Rick Berman & Ronald D. Moore & Brannon Braga
Directed by Jonathan Frakes
Original release date: November 22, 1996
Stardate: 50893.5

Author’s Note: I had debated doing this rewatch the same way I did Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home two years ago, to wit, as a liveblog. Or I could do it the same way I did all the episodes of TNG, with the categories and stuff. Unable to decide, I put it to readers of my blog, who voted 4.5 to 1 in favor of doing it rewatch-style over a liveblog. The people have spoken! So, herewith, the rewatch of the second TNG movie....

Captain’s Log: Picard awakens from a nightmare about his assimilation by the Borg six years earlier to learn from Admiral Hayes that a single Borg cube has destroyed the colony on Ivor Prime. Hayes is mobilizing a fleet to meet the cube, but the shiny new Enterprise-E—which has been in service for a year now—won’t be part of it. They’re being sent to the Neutral Zone, even though there’s been no unusual activity on the Romulan border for nine months, because Hayes doesn’t trust Picard in proximity to the Borg.

[“Don't you people in the 24th century ever pee?”]

Star Trek: The Next Generation Seventh Season
Original air dates: September 1993 – May 1994
Executive Producers: Rick Berman & Michael Piller
Co-Executive Producer: Jeri Taylor

Captain’s log: All good things must come to an end (that would make a dandy title...), and while TNG was at the height of its popularity, it was felt that they should go out on a high note. The actors had done seven years in the trenches, the original series had had their last hurrah on the big screen with 1991’s Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country, and now it would be the TNG crew’s turn to do a movie every few years, and leave the television landscape to Deep Space Nine and the upcoming Voyager.

[Read more]

“All Good Things...”
Written by Ronald D. Moore & Brannon Braga
Directed by Winrich Kolbe
Season 7, Episode 25
Production episode 40277-747
Original air date: May 23, 1994
Stardate: 47988.0

Captain’s Log: Worf and Troi have just finished a date on the holodeck, and their goodnight kiss is interrupted by Picard in his bedclothes wanting to know what the date is. He’s been moving back and forth in time. He can’t remember specifics—one moment he was in the past some time, before he took command of the Enterprise, talking to someone; another moment he was in the future, somewhere outdoors. His fleeting memories have such vivid sense impressions that they must be far more than a dream.

While he’s in the middle of describing it to Troi, he finds himself standing in a vineyard twenty-five years in the future. He’s interrupted in the tending of his vines by a visit from La Forge. Both men have facial hair—Picard is bearded and is retired from his ambassadorial career, La Forge has a mustache (and bionic eyes). La Forge’s wife Leah heard that Picard had been diagnosed with Irumodic Syndrome, and La Forge wanted to check in on him.

[You spending time worrying about Commander Riker’s career, listening to Counselor Troi’s pedantic psychobabble, indulging Data in his witless exploration of humanity...]

“Preemptive Strike”
Written by Naren Shankar and Rene Echevarria
Directed by Patrick Stewart
Season 7, Episode 24
Production episode 40276-276
Original air date: May 16, 1994
Stardate: 47941.7

Captain’s Log: The Enterprise is headed to a briefing on the situation in the Demilitarized Zone and also welcomes Ro back on board, as she has just completed Starfleet Advanced Tactical Training and been promoted to a full lieutenant. She’s a bit overwhelmed by the welcome-home party.

Upon receiving a distress call from a Cardassian ship, the Enterprise diverts and has to rescue the Cardassians from the Maquis. (Riker comments on the ridiculousness of firing on Federation ships to defend a Cardassian ship.) They’re able to drive the Maquis off and provide medical assistance to Gul Evek and his crew. Picard and Evek trade frustrations over the situation in sickbay, and then Picard meets with Admiral Nechayev. The Maquis’ ranks are growing, and they seem to be preparing for a military posture rather than simple self-defense against Cardassians who’ve harassed them in the DMZ.

[It’s been a long time since I really felt like I belonged somewhere.]

“Emergence”
Written by Brannon Braga and Joe Menosky
Directed by Cliff Bole
Season 7, Episode 23
Production episode 40276-275
Original air date: May 9, 1994
Stardate: 47869.2

Captain’s Log: Data is performing Act 5, Scene 1 of The Tempest for Picard, the discussion of which is curtailed by the pair of them almost being run over by a locomotive. Data discovers a malfunction that linked Data’s theatrical program with Crusher’s re-creation of the Orient Express and takes all the holodecks offline pending repairs.

The Enterprise is performing a survey to search for sites for Federation colonies when the ship suddenly goes to warp. Neither the bridge nor engineering has helm control. Just as La Forge is about to start an emergency warp-core shutdown, the ship goes back to impulse.

[O brave new world / That has such people in’t!]

“Bloodlines”
Written by Nicholas Sagan
Directed by Les Landau
Season 7, Episode 22
Production episode 40276-274
Original air date: May 2, 1994
Stardate: 47829.1

Captain’s Log: A probe approaches the Enterprise, which hails Picard by name and projects a hologram onto the bridge. The image is of DaiMon Bok, who claims to have found Picard’s son, Jason Vigo. He plans to kill Vigo just as Picard killed Bok’s son at Maxia Zeta fifteen years ago.

This comes as rather a shock to Picard, who has no idea who Jason Vigo is. He has Worf bring the probe on board, Data search the records for Jason Vigo (he suggests starting with a woman from the New Gaul colony named Miranda Vigo), and Riker query the Ferengi government as to why and how Bok has regained his rank after losing it in “The Battle.”

[Do all the women on your world have eyes like yours?]

“Firstborn”
Written by Mark Kalbfeld and Rene Echevarria
Directed by Jonathan West
Season 7, Episode 21
Production episode 40276-273
Original air date: April 25, 1994
Stardate: 47779.4

Captain’s Log: Worf is rehearsing a speech he wishes to make to Alexander—who is late in arriving to hear it. He finally shows up being chased by Eric, with whom he is engaged in a water balloon fight. Inevitably, Eric hits Worf with the water balloon, prompting Eric to run like hell.

Undeterred by the water stain on his uniform and baldric, Worf gives his speech, and mostly gets it right: it’s time for Alexander’s first Rite of Ascension. But Alexander doesn’t want to be a warrior. His mother always said he could avoid that Klingon stuff if he wanted, and Worf reluctantly admits that it is his choice. But Worf is not happy. He’s distracted during a staff meeting, and Picard asks what’s wrong. When Worf tells him, Picard reminds him that Alexander’s spent almost no time among Klingons. The following day is a festival called Kot’baval, and they’re proximate to a Klingon outpost that should be celebrating it, so the Enterprise heads there.

[How can I forget the only man to win at triple-down dabo?]

“Journey’s End”
Written by Ronald D. Moore
Directed by Corey Allen
Season 7, Episode 20
Production episode 40276-272
Original air date: March 28, 1994
Stardate: 47751.2

Captain’s Log: The Enterprise arrives at Starbase 310 for a meeting with Admiral Nechayev. Wes is also on a break from the Academy and is visiting, though despite the friendly face he puts on for Crusher, La Forge, and Data, he looks distressed.

Nechayev explains to Picard the new treaty terms between the Federation and Cardassia that has redrawn the border between the two powers. There’s a Demilitarized Zone between the two nations and the new borders put several Federation colonies in Cardassian space and vice versa. Nechayev’s response to Picard mentioning this is to say, “This agreement is far from perfect,” which is the understatement of the decade. She follows it by misquoting Otto von Bismarck, saying, “diplomacy is the art of the possible.” (The original quote’s first word was “politics,” not “diplomacy.”)

[There comes a time in a young man’s life when he doesn’t want to stay with his poor senile mother.]

“Genesis”
Written by Brannon Braga
Directed by Gates McFadden
Season 7, Episode 19
Production episode 40276-271
Original air date: March 21, 1994
Stardate: 47653.2

Captain’s Log: We open in sickbay. Ogawa is removing cactus needles from Riker’s back (a date in the arboretum gone horribly wrong) while Barclay is being the world’s worst patient. (At one point, Crusher tartly reminds Barclay that he promised not to look up things on WebMD, er, that is, Starfleet’s medical database before seeing her.) Barclay has a flu that his immune system’s having trouble with due to a dormant T-cell, so Crusher gives him an artificial T-cell to help fight it off. Data comes in with Spot, who is very pregnant—and Ogawa announces to Crusher and Data that she is also with child. (She already told Powell, the father.)

The Enterprise recently upgraded their tactical systems, and Worf is running tests on them. One of the new torpedoes misses its target and veers off into a dense asteroid field. They can’t go in after it with the big, glunky Enterprise, so Picard and Data take a shuttle to retrieve it. Since this might take a few days, Data leaves Spot with Barclay in case the cat gives birth. Barclay is the only person on the ship besides Data whom Spot likes.

[Do not approach me unannounced—especially when I am eating!]

Sorry for being late with this. Real life, and all that. We’ll be back on track with “Genesis” on Friday.

“Eye of the Beholder”
Written by Brannon Braga and Rene Echevarria
Directed by Cliff Bole
Season 7, Episode 18
Production episode 40276-270
Original air date: February 28, 1994
Stardate: 47622.1

Captain’s Log: One of the nacelles is malfunctioning. Riker and Worf discover that Lieutenant Daniel Kwan is threatening to jump into the plasma stream. Riker tries to talk him down long enough for Worf and Lieutenant Nara to shut it down, but they’re not fast enough. After rambling on about people laughing at him and such, Kwan says, “I know what I have to do,” jumps into the plasma stream, and is incinerated.

The crew is devastated. Riker wishes he had a few more seconds, and says that Kwan seemed fine just the other day when the nacelle refit was finished. Picard has never had to do a death notification to a family member where it was a suicide. He puts Worf and Troi in charge of the investigation into Kwan’s death.

[You sound like a man who’s asking his friend if he can start dating his sister.]