This is not a confession, nor a boast, just a statement of fact: I have not seen Avatar.
I try not to judge movies without having seen them. I always get annoyed when (as a rule) religious or conservative groups protest movies they haven’t bothered to see. But I have very mixed feelings about James Cameron’s work. I loved Terminator and Terminator 2, though in both, especially the sequel, much of the dialogue makes me squirm a bit. Aliens, a movie I enjoyed when it came out, doesn’t hold up well. In fact, I’d say it’s my least favorite of the Alien movies (not including the AVP spinoffs). The Abyss? Meh. Titanic is rubbish. Titanic really made me reevaluate Cameron’s canon and cast a pall over most of it.
When I saw the trailer for Avatar, I groaned. When the Stephen Lang hardcore military douche says, without irony, “You’re not in Kansas any more” I winced and knew it wasn’t for me. Anyone who uses that line in a movie now should be stripped of his WGA membership. Or at the very least heavily fined. Same goes for “We’ve got company,” “I’m getting’ too old for this shit” and “Don’t you die on me!” (I’ll forgive the final one if the person saying it is trapped beneath a gravely ill enormously obese person).
That’s not why I haven’t seen it, though.
I’ve been asked many times over the years, “Why zombies? What’s the fascination?” Usually I think the question is aimed squarely at me and my longtime interest/obsession with these undead entities, but it’s also a fair question for anyone. Why zombies? What’s the appeal? I think it all boils down to the fact that they’re the underdog of the monster world. They play into our neuroses and self-doubt. There’s nothing sexy or appealing about them. Lots of people fantasize about being other horror mainstays: vampires, of course. Werewolves. But zombies? No. I’ve never met anyone who said, “Yeah, man, a zombie is what I’d like to be. They’re so cool.”
