When I was 11 I got into a fight with a kid down the street over accusations that I broke one of his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toys. I don’t remember if I did. I might have? The only thing I can legitimately recall is that we combined our toys, and that I was jealous that he had an April O’Neil and the turtle van, of which I had neither. His name was also Chris. We never hung out after that. He had a last name that included a biblical part of the body and middle school was going to do him no favors in that regard so he was probably already choosing his friends carefully.