This past Thursday a giant styrofoam head turned up in the Hudson River. Our suspicion is that it fell through from an alternate 2013 timeline where the Roman Empire never fell. (Or it’s detritus from a Mardi Gras float.) We’re probably right about this.

The rest of your daily collection of offsite links are leaking in from another world, including a regular dose of Star Trek hype, what you see when you stare at the sun for three years, and so much more!

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You know, everybody had a hard year, and everybody had a good time. But now it’s time for the 10th and 11th Doctors to put their feet up. This shot comes straight from the Doctor Who Twitter account and we ASSUME are the real feet of David Tennant and Matt Smith. Those Chucks! Swoon.

Your offsite links would like you relax, and let your hair down. We’ve got a feeling you deserve it. Highlights include Ender’s Game stuff, new mutants and more!

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Ben “Mandarin” Kingsley is doing his Gandhi profile and Robert “Iron Man” Downey Jr. is absorbing his positive energy straight from his heart! There is truly no better way to start your week than this adorable picture, and below the cut may be even more pictures!

Your daily collection of offsite links also includes a sitcom version Battlestar Galactica, early news about a Thor 2 trailer, and more!

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Would Pokémon be improved by the addition of Nicolas Cage’s voice? Go ahead, imagine him saying “gotta catch ’em all” right now. We saw this Cage-Blastoise over on this tumblr page, which contains Cage as all 151 first generation Pokemon. You have to Cage them all.

Your collection of daily offsite links include tons of Star Trek stuff, scenes from PAX East, and the latest on the Doctor Who 50th.

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So, in this interview William Shatner calls J.J. Abrams a “pig.” This refers to J.J. apparently “hogging”everything like Star Trek, Star Wars and the eventual Sliders reboot. And though this is only a rumor we’ve invented, we’ve heard contemporary Shatner is teaming up with this 60’s Shatner (pictured here) in the Nexus to stop J.J. Abrams. His exact words: “come back with me, help me stop Abrams.”

Your daily offsite links are making a difference, again. Highlights include:

1. Bryan Singer is confusing us.
2. The best LEGO things ever. Really.
3. All about the fake zombie scare in Montana.

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The cultural response about the appointment of J.J. Abrams to the director’s chair for Star Wars: Episode VII, seems to be a begrudging, quasi-unanimous “makes sense, I guess.” Yet I would argue that this sort of half-excited, half-confused shoulder shrug from pop culture pundits and geek commentators alike actually sums up exactly why the decision is so terrible. Yes, I admit it! J.J Abrams is a logical choice. But, the idea of Abrams helming Star Wars, while likely to produce a movie that’s visually tantalizing, is boring beyond belief, to the point of being soulless. I have no doubt that the J.J. Abrams Star Wars: Episode VII will be exciting, stunning, and palpitation-inducing. I’m also fairly confident that its texture and essence will be exactly like his other work, which leads to the bad news:

The J.J. Abrams Star Wars will be too well made.

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In response to the news that J.J. Abrams is cheating on them, James Kirk and Spock of Vulcan promptly kidnapped has-been warlord Darth Vader and threw him in the brig of the Starship Enterprise. Kirk and Spock have claimed they will release Vader only if J.J. comes back to them with chocolates, roses, and a mix-tape of their favorite songs, including cool Beastie Boys album tracks.

Your offsite links contain even more universe-destorying madness. Highlights include:

1. Glee to Jonathan Coulton: Fuck off.
2. One of your favorite filmmakers has seen ghosts.
3. An awesome guy name Neil hanging out with an awesome guy named Christopher.

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Did you hear that? The internet just got REALLY excited about Deadline seemingly confirming that J.J. Abrams will direct Star Wars Episode VII. They cite anonymous Hollywood inside sources, not Disney, not Abrams, not screenwriter Michael Arndt, or anyone visibly attached to the movie.

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Taken from this amazing collection of art by Laurent Durieux featuring reimaginings of classic monster movie posters, this one has everyone’s favorite Gill-Man as a land mass! (What, he’s not your favorite Gill-Man? We hope you’re not like Mark from the movie...) Check out the whole gallery here.

Your other offsite links are like misunderstood monsters, lurking underneath the cut waiting to grab you. Highlights include:

1. The date has been set for us to return to Jurassic Park!
2. Batman is totally the oncoming storm.
3. Some dinosaurs would have tasted better than others.

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Speaking to The Telegraph, Simon Pegg has denied the supposed “confirmation” that Benedict Cumberbatch would be playing a new incarnation of Khan in the next Star Trek film. Straight from the article:

“It’s not Khan...replies Pegg, annoyed. “That’s a myth. Everyone’s saying it is, but it’s not.”

Tor.com and numerous other sources all reported on the news at the beginning of the month, though the “confirmation” of the villain being Khan was never coming from offical sources. Could this be actual misdirection, or Pegg genuinely clearing the air? Simon Pegg has a track record for calling things like they are, so our feeling is that this is true, and Khan is indeed NOT in the new film. In any case, this seems to be the first person actually involved with the new Trek film who has definitively answered the question.

Though the new 3D version of Titanic is impressive, it looks like another even bigger and clearly better version is coming soon. Check it out below! We can’t wait.

The trailer for the new Mission Impossible film is here with the usual clusters of explosions. But this time it Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) in joined by new faces behind and in front of the camera. Simon Pegg is now part of the Impossible Mission Force, while the film itself is being directed by Brad Bird of The Incredibles. J.J. Abrams is still producing and it looks like Cruise himself is getting story credit. We think it looks like this one might be a more team-oriented movie, more in the spirit of the original show. But what do you think? Trailer below:

At about 6 AM EST this morning, the full-length trailer for Super 8 was released exclusively to Twitter. The anxiously awaited collaboration between J.J. Abrams (writer/director) and Steven Spielberg (Yoda) previewed a teaser trailer during the Super Bowl, which looked kind of awesome but still left us going “Whoa, okay...so...what’s it about?”

[What it’s about]

Let us not waste time being confused about whether the upcoming J.J. Abrams-directed/Steven Spielberg-produced science fiction picture—whose teaser trailer has been around for some time—is going to be called Super 8 or Darlings. As opaque a title as Super 8 is, and as hilarious a title as Darlings is (implying it’s about a bunch of aliens who look like Julie Christie who come to Earth and become social climbers), this is beside the point.

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In a press conference yesterday, producer and all-around money magnet J. J. Abrams announced that M. Night Shyamalan has accepted an offer to guest direct the final episode of Lost. Abrams states that while Shyamalan will be given vast artistic and creative freedom over the project, he will be given a loose guideline to follow as to preserve the vision of the whole six seasons.

[Not that we’d be able to tell . . . ]

Star Trek
Directed by J.J. Abrams
Written by Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman

There’s a lot to love in the new Star Trek film. For me, it wasn’t enough.

Star Trek is a rollicking space opera: you’ve got spaceships, lots of things blowing up, and a plot that moves so quickly it often leaves even itself behind. This is the future imagined by Mac fanboys everywhere: sleek glass displays, touchscreen interfaces, and a flood of information. It’s stunning and beautiful that way. The special effects are spectacular, and the action sequences are truly top-notch. The rapport among the characters was strong and funny, and there’s an excitement and energy that’s hard to describe. It’s a thrilling action-adventure.

I loved it as an action film.

Alas, it’s little more than that. The new film is, in a word, stupid. The plot is absolutely ridiculous; the story’s so full of holes it unravels at the merest hint of scrutiny. Worse, many of the characters are shallow representations of themselves, reduced to the kinds of cheesy space opera types that don’t do justice to the folks they’re supposed to be.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a phenomenal action film: fast-paced, fun, and without a doubt great entertainment. I loved it for that, and I’ll see it again for that alone. But it’s terrible Star Trek.

[Major spoilers below! Do not click through if you haven’t seen the film!]

Star Trek
Directed by J.J. Abrams
Written by Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman

I have a long history with Star Trek. Not as long as some people can claim, and certainly not as long as the franchise’s own history, but I’ve spent roughly half of my relatively brief life on Earth as a con-going, trivia-quoting fan. I’ve seen the good and the bad, and while the series at its best can be mind-blowingly amazing, one can argue that after five television series and ten movies, there are more bad hours of Trek than good.

J.J. Abrams’ new movie definitively tips the balance back to the good side.

[Only very minor thematic spoilers below the fold.]

Star Trek Barbie Dolls - “Does this dress uniform make me look fat?” “Let’s have a replicator pizza party!” “Warp-speed calculations are tough!” But before you get too up in arms, remember that this has all happened before.

Imagined Worlds - Susanna Clarke:  “In wild, empty landscapes we look for dragons to embody all the fierce, soaring emotions the place inspires; in Middle-earth and Earthsea we find them.” This is part of the 1000 novels everyone must read series. The introduction to the SF portion is here, and all of the pieces are worth reading. Also via JD.

“Tolkien: The Lord of The Mines - Or A Comparative Study Between Mining During the Third Age of Middle-Earth by Dwarves and Mining During Our Age by Men (or Big-People)” - Most bizarre essay ever based on the works of Tolkien. Scary part? Tolkien probably fully explored this subject himself. Via Ben Peek.

[Below the fold: a knitted, fully anatomically accurate human brain, some Coraline features, and Razzie nominations announced.]

My anticipation for Lost is reaching ridiculous proportions. I’ve re-watched all of season 4 on DVD in a weekend, including the flash-forwards in chronological order. In fact, I re-watched “There’s No Place Like Home, Parts 1-3” again on ABC last week, complete with stupid pop-up facts that I already knew. But it was worth it to get a sneak peek of the fifth season premiere.

[The most important thing you need to know about Lost’s season 5 premiere after the fold...]