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Liveblogging Season Two of Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Remember how I liveblogged the first season of The Clone Wars? Well now I’m back for round two! So for those who are interested in this flailing newbie’s look at the animated portion of the Star Wars universe, you’re in luck!

This season is where it kinda got complicated, didn’t it? Seems like they had their format figured and really spent time trying to broaden the scope of the Star Wars universe. It worked out pretty much in their favor.

I’m still concerned for Obi-Wan, though.

Disclaimer is same as last time, folks—there are curse words here, as this is a blow-by-blow reaction on social media. No polish, lots of sarcasm. Just as Master Kenobi would have it.

This time around things won’t be quite so abridged, since… I’ve been really enjoying myself. So there’s a lot ahead.

 

Star Wars: The Clone Wars, season two

Holocron Heist:

Aaaaand, she [Ahsoka] got sent to the principal’s office. And got suspended. Archive security. Boooooooooo.

Master Jocasta is like that grandma who is just so happy that anyone remembered to visit her, and offers everyone candy from that same bowl she hasn’t changed out since 1973.

Jedi Temple security is pretty much crap. I hate to say this is why you were all slaughtered, but….

I want Cad Bane’s hat, too.

DROID ABUSE. FLAGRANT DROID ABUSE. NO BOMBS IN DROIDS.

Wait, whaaaaaaat? Kaiburr crystal? A holocron with the name of every Jedi youngling? THIS WAS THE WORST IDEA EVER. HOW COULD YOU DO THA—HUURRRRGGG. ~incensed noises~

Cargo of Doom:

It’s still weird to remember that the people in the ships that look the most like Star Destroyers are the good guys.

Did they seriously just kill that Rodian Jedi? Harsh.

“Let’s make this a bit more interesting.”—Always the worst thing to hear during a firefight.

Can we talk about the tattoo-like designs on the clone trooper helmets? I have feelings about this.

Damn, Ahsoka was so fly in that fight until the tazing got started again.

THAT IS NOT HOW HOLOCRONS WORK.

Disappointed British Dad of the Republic is throwing some shade on Anakin’s tactics. He’s not really wrong.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars, season two

Children of the Force:

People ask clear questions—Yoda answers a completely different question. Par for a course.

Dude, Obi-Wan, you can’t just break into people’s homes and try to nab their already stolen babies.

Whoa, gungan babies are cuuuuuuuuuuuute.

It stopped being good cop/bad cop and just became a chorus of Jedi bad cop. Daaaaaamn. That seems… unethical. And then they just made Anakin report to Palpatine so they didn’t have to. So the moral of the story is dramatic irony hurts, kids.

OMG CREEPY HOLOGRAM NANNY SIDIOUS.

So weird to know that Anakin has been on Mustafar before.

Baby rescue! Get that Rodian baby with galaxies in his giant baby eyes!

Senate Spy:

Secret sexy rendezvous for Anakin and Padmé who are still confusingly talking like real people.

Yeah, sure Obi-Wan… you have no IDEA where Anakin could be.

Also, Padmé, you’re kind of pulling a work double-standard on your hubby. Two episodes ago you were ignoring him for work. And Anakin, you should not be surprised that Padmé had dude friends before you. And now you’re both freaking about danger and stuff and—You know what, both of you SEPARATE CORNERS.

Oh no, Padmé’s smarmy ex. You know what, the Jedi masters have to stop lying about how they don’t know about the whole “married Anakin” thing. They keep giving him side-eye and asking him to talk to her, really guys? You’re GROWN ASS MEN, TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS.

I don’t understand this dress at all. It has no back, no sides, but it has sleeves that are not attached to the front?

And she poisoned. Because that dude likes her? You know, between this guy and Anakin, I think it’s pretty fair to say that Padmé has terrible taste in men.

Anakin’s all, “I got your woman, your evidence, and your antidote—BAI.”

Landing at Point Rain:

Factories of Terror? Is that a theme park ride?

Master Luminara is all, “If you guys are done quipping at each other, we could maybe fight a war?”

Obi-Wan’s all, “…I really never wanted to come back to Geonosis. So THANKS for that.”

This reminds me of going to see Episode II with my friends in high school. We named one of the clone troopers Horatio after repeated viewings. I think we were better at naming clone troopers.

Anakin and Ahsoka basically have Legolas’n’Gimli-esque droid slaughtering competitions. That makes sense.

Poor Rex.

How did Ki-Adi set the Geonosians on fire?!???

Master Mundi is not impressed with Anakin’s respect prize. Obi-Wan is broked.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars, season two

Weapons Factory:

So many Jedi with blue eyes. All the Jedi with blue eyes. BLUE EYES.

Why did the show keep with Lucas’ ridiculous penchant for screen swipes as scene transitions.

What so this is an episode about Jedi masters having to let go of their baby Padawans? Because we already know that Anakin has a hard time letting go of everything.

Barriss Offee and Ahsoka should date.

I love how all the Jedi BUT Obi-Wan seem to care a lot about dying clones. He’s just like, “can we finish the war, though? I tired.”

Legacy of Terror:

Of course we had to do a bug queen episode. Ew.

ZOMBIE BUGS?!!?!

NO. WHY ZOMBIE BUGS. WHY.

Anakin all, “This planet is rotten from the inside out.” Well, we know you don’t exactly have a lot of respect for native populations, do ya, kid?

ZOMBIE MIDWIFE BUGS!?!?

Obi-Wan just told Anakin that he thinks with his lightsaber. Obi-Wan is making dick jokes. Yes.

The Geonosian queen kinda reminds me of Yzma from The Emperor’s New Groove.

And she has KHAN BUGS?

Obi-Wan and Anakin betting on whether the Khan bugs will enter through the nose or ears. Because they are terrible people.

If the queen is dead they kind of murdered a whole species? Maybe? Is that okay?

Brain Invaders:

Now it’s “Factories of Doom.” Next time, Factories of 8th Dimension Horror?

And it’s through the nose. Anakin wins the bet. Even if he’s not around to see it.

Ahsoka is full of wisdoms. She kinda knows Anakin better than any other person. Too bad people don’t regularly ask her about him.

Look at Ahsoka and Barriss tearing shit up while the clones all get possessed. Look at these badass ladies getting it done. LOOK AT THEM.

And Anakin just flipped on Poggle the Lesser and started Foreshadow-choking him to save his Padawan.

Poor Barriss. This is a really crappy day for her.

Also—space tugboats. Space tugboats should have always been a thing.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars, season two

Grievous Intrigue:

When are we going to find out who put the bug up Grievous’ butt?

Wow, they just let the younglings see that awful message? Nice job, guys.

These Grievous episodes are always so distressing, since you know they’re never going to kick his ass.

How can Obi-Wan be all surprised by the four-lightsaber trick in Ep. III when he’s already seen it? Dumb plot hole.

Creepy droid laugh creepydroidlaughomg.

Obi-Wan has this “I flirt with villains” problem that he should get looked at.

Wow, lots of clones died, but at least we got that one Jedi back. Eh? Eh?

The Deserter:

Flagrant battledroid abuse. Sheesh.

Oh no, they keep saying stuff about how great Rex is, this can’t be good.

Yeeeaaaahhh.

“And where there’s farmland, there’s usually a farmer.” Great job, guys. I think that’s enough actual work for one day.

The team medic has words in the aurebesh alphabet shaved into his hair. He’s basically the best.

OMG DESERTER CLONE YES.

The irony in this episode, hurts so bad. Ugh, Rex, you’re killing me.

So the kids can’t actually be the clone’s right? They’re too old.

If something happens to deserter clone imma be pissed.

Oh good he gets to live happily ever after with his Twi’lek wife. Good job, Rex.

Lightsaber Lost:

No Ahsoka, Anakin can’t be upset that you lost your lightsaber; he loses his every five seconds.

Hanging out in the Coruscant underworld is always a plus.

I love Ahsoka’s raptor grampa escort for this episode.

Man, this chase is serious business.

Hanging on some Palpatine propaganda.

Cool team of sassy lady criminals!

When you really think about it, the lightsaber black market must be insane.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars, season two

The Mandalore Plot:

Yaaaaaaaaay Mandalore.

Oh, you did not talk shit about Jango being adopted.

Of course Obi-Wan has an old thing with the Duchess.

Is Concordia the same/next to Concord Dawn? That would explain some Boba Fett stuff. Also, Death Watch is the name of a metal band right? Right?

And that was a suicide? Geez.

So everything on Concordia is just gonna be bad news, obviously.

YOU CAN’T PUNCH ARMOR, OBI-WAN.

The Duchess is so cool. Obi-Wan stop batting your eyelashes at her, you’re so obvious.

Super awesome old black lightsaber? WANT.

Voyage of Temptation:

Duchess pwns Obi-Wan so hard that he goes running back to Anakin.

Yeah, Anakin’s like “tell me about your secret wife, Obi-Wan. I got one too!”

“The collection of half-truths and hyperbole that is Obi-Wan Kenobi.” WHHOOOAAAAAAA, she went there.

Then Anakin talks to R2 the way Luke does and my heart hurts.

SPIDER DROIDS NOT OKAY. NO.

Omg, Obi-Wan is pulling the tribble ploy Kirk used. THE BEST.

Anakin: But did you and the Duchess ever do the—Obi-Wan: YOU CANNOT JUST ASK PEOPLE IF THEY DID THE THING, ANAKIN.

“Who’s going to brand themselves a cold-blooded killer?” Whoops, it was supposed to be Obi-Wan or the Duchess, but it was totally Anakin, we never saw that coming.

And the woman Obi-Wan would have left the Jedi Order for tells him to shave his beard—blasphemy. She is the most wrong.

Duchess of Mandalore:

Weird pseudo-Picasso portrait of Duchess Satine.

Wow, Obi-Wan literally used the word “hysterical” to try and convince the Duchess that she’s a little off-base. What a charmer.

But I wanna know what Padmé thinks about that under-the-table vote. Because this is some bullshit.

And now Satine is framed for murder? This is truly depressing. This woman cannot win.

The clones are like… yeah, I don’t speak Ithorian. This was a waste of time.

Aw, she called him Obi.

Team Obi-Padmé! Helping Duchesses and screwing with Palpatine’s plans.

Senate Murders:

What, trying to teach kids that more military spending prolongs wars? Whaaaaaaaaaaat?

Yay, Mon Mothma!

And then they killed the Rodian senator because for conspiracy?

And then this episode turned into a weird murder mystery query?

Padmé and Bail Organa hanging out, not talking about how he’s gonna raise her daughter one day. Er, I mean…

Those cop droids are creepy.

And even after Padmé straight up punches a lady, their bill still gets defeated. More clones. Suck.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars, season two

Cat and Mouse:

Kelsey was all, “Are you afraid that it’s a giant spider man?” And I was all, “Well, now am I, because you pointed it out to me.”

Obi-Wan is so hot for his stealth ship.

“You’re our only hope.” THEY SAID THE THING.

*sigh* Anakin, this is not how stealth works.

Wow, Trench is one of those monologuing villains.

Wait, when you lower shields they have to recharge? THAT IS SO STUPID.

Bounty Hunters:

Bouncy escape pods!

Apparently Anakin knows a lot about farmers and their barns…

Well, you knew we hadn’t seen the last of those pirates. They were too funny.

And now Obi-Wan’s gonna flirt with the head bounty hunter. His type is getting very easy to discern.

OMG TINY BOUNTY HUNTER IN A BIG DROID SUIT.

Wow, Anakin was going to slice Hondo’s pet in half.

The Zillo Beast:

Fancy new droid bomb. Because we all know that’s going to go off without a hitch.

I was really hoping that bomb was gonna take out all the other tech, like Anakin’s arm and all the lightsabers.

Sure, just crash EVERY ship, Anakin. Go ahead.

R2 literally flew Anakin out of a hot zone. Because R2.

This episode is awesomely morally complex. They woke a monster, it’s last of its kind (maybe), the Dugs want to kill it, Mace know it’s not cool with Jedi-ness, the Dugs say it’s the Jedi’s fault for waking it with their bomb, Anakin points out that they only dropped it at their request, the Dugs say the Jedi only did it to get their fuel treaty with Malastare. And the Emperor only allows the Jedi not to kill it because he wants it for military research. Excellent story job. Good job times.

And of course, Mace Windu is the only one showing appropriate compassion.

You’re bringing the Godzilla to Coruscant. Have none of these guys watched Jurassic Park 2?

Star Wars: The Clone Wars, season two

The Zillo Beast Strikes Back:

More importantly, how do you people not realize that your Chancellor took leering lessons at Evil School?

Kelsey has decided that this is just as bad as “Appa’s Lost Days.” She’s right.

It’s kind of a dad fight: When Obi-Wan wants Anakin to agree with him, he recruits Padmé. When Palpatine wants Padmé to agree with him, he recruits Anakin. Neither are successful, but their methods are hilarious.

Aw yeah, here we go. ZILLO-TACK

And it wants Palpatine’s smug face. SMASH IT, ZILLO. SMASH IT WITH YOUR GIANT CLAWS OF USEFULNESS.

Kelsey (on Yoda standing on the open carrier): “I don’t need to hold on! Which is good, since nobody installed a strap that I could reach.”

Everyone falls in their respective couples. Anakin nabs Padmé, R2 nabs his 3PO.

If you kill this poor baby, I SWEAR I WILL BRING DOWN THE REPUBLIC MYSELF.

Well that was horrible.

Death Trap:

Oh, shit, you can spot Boba Fett a lightyear away. And it’s not his stupid hair, it’s the FURY.

And all the new woobies won’t be able to hit a thing, and baby Fett is going to kick their butts.

Look at you, you wily little stealth bomb. Ilu. Even if George Lucas did try to ruin your character.

Mace, you are just super bad at reading people when it’s most important.

One blaster. He took down the whole thing down with one blaster.

Yeah, making friends with Aurra Sing was never going to be you best move, hon.

R2 Come Home:

No, Mace. Anakin does not encourage R2’s personality too much. The Jedi just have some BS ideas about what constitutes life.

No! No, you ruined my droid buddy movie to let those Gundarks tear apart R8? NO.

Wow, tiny Fett is literally the only bounty hunter who thinks like a bounty hunter. Which actually jives with the written stories about him, so I’m pleased.

Anakin’s all, “yeah R2, call planets away to get help, we’ll just lie here starving, our internal organs slowly turning to soup.” And R2’s like… no?

It makes literally no sense that Bossk is here.

R2 escape! And he’s chest bumping that Jedi unit out of the way.

Serious burns, huh? Get used to this sensation Anakin. it will be important for your future.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars, season two

Lethal Trackdown:

Oh, Boba, you bizarre sense of honor started real early.

Aurra Sing’s characterization is… boring. And now they’re picking up another bounty hunter. Bet I can guess which one.

What Sing and Hondo? Ugh—just, gross.

Jedi just like causing trouble in bars, apparently.

And thus begins Boba Fett’s long line of horribly precarious relationships with women. Oof.

AHSOKA JUMPED SLAVE I TO STOP ITS TAKEOFF.

Yeah uh, Mace? That’s not how you say, “Sorry for killing your pops in front of you.” For future reference.

And that’s the end of season two! Ouch? I guess more now.

 

Already on season three, and it’s already made me cry. So… that’s coming up.


Emily Asher-Perrin apologizes to tiny Boba Fett—it’s not his fault everyone seems to think he needs a babysitter. You can bug her on Twitter and read more of her work here and elsewhere.

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