In what is perhaps a big relief for many, the world is set to end to today. This exclusive information comes to us based on some gross misunderstandings of an ancient calendar, and we’re very happy to share with you—our doomed readers—everything we know. Below, is the best data we’ve got on today’s End of Days events. We’ve also started hearing reports of people spontaneously transforming into different versions of John Cusack. Please confirm.
Highlights of your daily obliteration include:
- Unicron: planet or robot?
- Let me guess… Gozer worshippers.
- “NASA” and “debunkery.”
- NASA answers all your Mayan Apocaylspe questions.
- Best Craigslist ads related to the mass hysteria of today’s apocalypse.
- Top 10, all-time, best John Cusack movies. (Wait, what…no 2012?)
- You think Godzilla is bad? Don’t forget about Godzuki! (This sucker can fly!)
- Can these troopers imagine what the destruction of an entire planet would be like? Through improv?
- Charlton Heston blows up the whole planet.
- Trailer for Deep Impact (Shout out to Denise Crosby!)
- In times like these, it’s best to not want to miss a thing.
- Oh snap! The frakking Cylons are attacking L.A.!
- Earth death in T-minus…right about now!
- Whoah-ho! Somebody’s coming!
- What is half-giant robot, half planet, and played by Orson Welles? The answer is…UNICRON.
Stubby the Rocket is the voice and mascot of Tor.com. Stubby will see you jokers tomorrow.