True Blood Episode Review: “If You Love Me, Why Am I Dyin’?”

This week on HBO’s True Blood, the effects of Marnie’s spell ripples throughout Bon Temps. We get a forgetful Eric, a frightened Lafayette, a pissed off Tara, and an even more pissed off Pam. We also get a peek into Maxine Fortenberry’s life post-Hoyt and watch as things take a turn for the even worse in Hotshot. And Jessica does something really, really bad. And there is Alcide in his big plaid shirt. Finally. But there’s a big, she-wolf-shaped catch.

Spoilers after the fold.

Eric is not a complete blank slate after Marnie’s spell wiped his memory, which is too bad because scenes of amnesiac vampires discovering they are indeed vampires can be pretty entertaining. I really liked Sookie in this episode. I much prefer smartass Sookie to screaming damsel in distress Sookie. She can be fun sometimes, too, but smartass Sookie knows how to make a bad situation work in her favor. Like conveniently not mentioning to Eric that he bought her house. Forgetful Eric is way less smarmy. Sweet, even. And he rocks a hoodie like no one else. Dressed-down Eric is even better than smartass Sookie. She’s so going to fall in love with him. I thought the way Eric described Sookie’s wheat, honey, and sunlight smell was particularly endearing. It’s like she’s a delicious fairy microbrew beer.

Less endearing was the way he called her Snookie. That is a stake-worthy offense.

Across town, Marnie’s coven is still in shock over their spell but only Lafayette, Jesus, and Tara know how dangerous an angry Eric can be. They act smart, too. It’s always better to fess up to your mistakes and apologize. Of course, you have to take your punishment, too. And I’m guessing that when Eric gets his memory back, he won’t be the forgive and forget type.

That goes for Hoyt, too. It was bad enough that Jessica fed on another man, which is cheating no matter what Jessica says, but Hoyt might have been able to forgive her on his own if Jessica didn’t glamour him into doing it. That was a huge mistake. When Hoyt remembers that (or if he does; I’m not clear on the rules of vampire glamours) he would be completely in the right for ending the relationship for good. I can’t see many couples coming back from a betrayal like that. Nothing on this show is convincing me that vampire-human relationships are a good idea. Look at Hoyt with those bite marks on his neck and a black eye from a Fangtasia protester and his raped mind. It almost doesn’t seem worth it.

We can see yet another example of that with King Bill. Damn, he’s really getting around town now that he’s single. But it’s that empty rebound sex without any attachment. His heart is a shriveled old walnut, you see. I have to admit that I kind of love his latest fling, Portia Bellefleur. She’s refreshingly direct, I give her that. And I give credit to the actress because I hated her performance in Dexter‘s fourth season. In other vampire political news, it really sucks that vampires can be killed for being caught on film drinking from humans. Especially the one that got entrapped and put on YouTube. And of course that vamps-kill.com exists.

Is there a similar site for witches? I don’t understand how Pam knows so much about them. How would Pam know that Marnie’s coven wasn’t just your run-of-the-mill Wiccan group? Did Eric even tell her where he was going that night? I completely understand how she could accuse Bill of being behind it. I’m almost on Pam’s side, in fact. Bill’s certainly got motive. He knew what the coven was tinkering with. He’s also just that much of a petty dick. But later in the episode, Bill did seem concerned about Eric’s disappearance.

When will more people worry about Jason’s disappearance? I can’t believe Crystal’s gone so far off the deep end. Maybe it’s Alan Ball admitting that everyone hates Crystal and this is a way to get her off the show, by having her be a villain. I’m so glad Jason finally caught up to the rest of us and hates her, too. Poor guy is pretty, but not very bright. I like Jason and it’s tough to stomach him chained up, raped, and turned into a were-panther against his will. I hope he rips Crystal’s throat out. I bet he will.  If we’re lucky, he’ll burn Hotshot to the ground and salt the earth so no meth labs will ever grow there again. And I’ll never have to see Timbo eat raw meat again.

In other news:

  • Reverend Steve has been missing for six months. There’s a site for that, too. HBO is so good with little details.
  • I still like the idea of Sam and Tara as a couple.
  • In last season’s finale, there was an ominous shot of a creepy baby doll lying on the floor of Hoyt and Jessica’s new home. I thought it was foreshadowing for domestic problems further down the road because Jessica can’t have children. But as Freud would say, sometimes a creepy doll is just a creepy doll. So Hoyt and Jessica both threw it out and it keeps coming back and their next logical decision is to give it to Arlene’s baby? I know Jessica doesn’t like Arlene, but that’s pretty harsh. And I wouldn’t let my kid put his mouth anywhere on that busted old hollow-eyed demon doll.
  • I can’t believe Ginger is still employed at Fangtasia. Worst. Guard. Ever.
  • Pam looked like the mutant child of Lady Gaga and Dr. Frank-N-Furter in that S/M get-up. Love it. Love her.
  • Who was the woman in the mirror that Marnie was praying to? Did anyone else snicker when Marnie begged “Pleeeeeease” like a petulant child? Just me? Okay.
  • Which Charlaine Harris was Sookie reading?
  • How many other people were watching Sookie fight the Rattrays that night? We’ve got Bill and Claudine so far. When will a shifter come forward, saying he was a frog, chilling on a lillypad in the background?
  • It didn’t take long for Tommy to return to his douchebag ways, did it?
  • How long before Debbie Pelt falls off the wagon and goes mental again? I think Sookie coming around will bring up a lot of bad feelings, especially if Debbie notices all that chemistry between Sookie and Alcide. She looks great, though! Oh, Alcide. You probably should’ve gotten in on that rebound action when you had a chance. You are no Bill. Which is why I like you. But now Sookie pretty much only has Eric as a love interest. It is known.
  • Eric ate Sookie’s fairy godmother. One fairy down. Rejoice.

True Blood airs Sundays at 9PM E/PT on HBO.


Theresa DeLucci wonders if the Marie Osmond Adorabelle Frida Fright doll is creepier than Jessica and Hoyt’s possessed doll.

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