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When one looks in the box, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the cat.

Reactor

Stevie Chuckles’ Advice to New Writers

Part Three: After you’ve published

(Part One here. Part Two here.)

You are important. Your writing is important. You and your writing are more important than anybody else (and their crummy writing). Here are some behaviors you can embrace to accentuate your place in the writing universe.

  1. If your work is a novel or in an anthology, immediately go to Amazon Dot Com and post several rave reviews. If the work is in an anthology be sure and point out how it stands head and shoulders above the other shit in the book. The readers will thank you for directing them to the “good” stuff.

    [Read more…]

  2. If your work is published in a magazine, head over to that magazine’s online forums and do the same.
  3. In the event your work is reviewed unfavorably, you should immediately write letters to the reviewer, his editor, and every other possible venue to explain the reviewer’s blind idiocy and mental incompetence.
  4. In addition, you should think about this review ALL THE TIME, carrying around a laminated copy, so that, in any person-to-person communication you may instantly be able to discuss at great length why this person is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! Let me stress that this is the hallmark of a truly great writer. All other activities should come second to this. Even writing.
  5. In the event your work is reviewed favorably, you should seize upon the least favorable thing said and publicly and privately eviscerate the reviewer for his infelicitous remark. An example: “X’s brilliantly written first novel has vibrant compelling characters and riveting action, but I would have liked a little more of the heroine’s background.” You should only remember that the reviewer HATED THE HEROINE!
  6. Between obsessing about bad reviews and good reviews, you need to make time to Google every mention of your story and name on the intertubes. You must track down, find out what they said, and then explain to them why they are WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.
  7. If you have time left over from these previous activities and you first work is a book, you must monitor the Amazon Sales Ranking every five minutes. When it spikes momentarily (because your Mom and your aunt Sylvie bought copies) you need to fire off a letter to your publisher demanding your giant royalty check.

Next time: A Word About Conventions. (To Boldly Go Where No Writer Has…)


*The above was part of my lecture at the 2008 Viable Paradise Writers workshop on Martha’s Vineyard. New writers are strongly encouraged to follow every step. It cuts down on my competition.

About the Author

About Author Mobile

Steven Gould

Author

All my books are belong to Tor. (Not counting foreign stuff.) You can read more about me at my blog, An Unconvincing Narrative or our group blog Eat Our Brains.

Steven Gould is an American science fiction writer, born on February 7, 1955 in Fort Huachuca, Arizona and raised in a variety of places adjacent to American military bases, domestic and overseas. In college in Texas in the late 1970s, he became active in science fiction fandom, and shortly afterward began writing short fiction and selling it to major science fiction magazines, beginning with "The Touch of Her Eyes" (Analog, September 1980).

His debut novel Jumper (1992) was widely praised for its readability, appealing protagonist, and intricate working-out of the consequences of a single science-fictional idea: a single young boy in today's world who discovers that, evidently uniquely, he can teleport. Jumper was followed by several more novels: Wildside (1996), Greenwar (1997, with his wife, SF writer Laura J. Mixon), Helm (1998), Blind Waves (2000), and Reflex (2004, a sequel to Jumper). 

In 2008 Jumper was brought to the screen as a big-budget SF adventure of the same name, directed by Doug Liman and starring Hayden Christiansen and Samuel L. Jackson. The movie rearranged the story line and gave the protagonist a teleporting sidekick. When the movie's producers expressed a desire to see a novel published about the sidekick's backstory, Gould chose to write the book himself; it was published as Jumper: Griffin's Story (2007), and is not canonical with the other two "Jumper" novels. "Shade," Gould's story on Tor.com, takes place in the world of the novels, not the alternate continuity of the movie. Meanwhile, Jumper-the-movie was a financial success, and a sequel is rumored.

With fellow writers Bradley Denton, Caroline Spector, Madeleine E. Robins, Maureen F. McHugh, Morgan J. Locke, ansd Rory Harper, Gould maintains a group weblog, Eat Our Brains. He lives in Albuquerque, New Mexico with his wife Laura J. Mixon and their two daughters.

Wikipedia | Goodreads

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