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When one looks in the box, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the cat.

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5) Maya. Well, she’s all over the promo shots for season 3 of Heroes, so no luck there. But I hope they make her and her Runny Mascara of Plague superpower more interesting and a lot less grating.

4) Mohinder being useless. I’ve felt that Mohinder hasn’t been more than a plot device since early season one. He seems to exist solely to cure viruses, tell other characters what other characters are up to, and spout some of TV’s worst dialogue in the form of awkward voiceovers. It’s got to suck being one of the only people in your peer group without a power, but that doesn’t have to equate with being boring. Unfortunately for me, when we last saw Mohinder, he was hanging out with Maya.

3) Meaningless deaths. The death of a character only has emotional weight if the character stays frakking dead. (Well, unless the character is Starbuck.) Nathan and Niki/Jessica were supposedly killed in last season’s finale, but every promo poster tells me they won’t stay dead. Characters rarely do on any television show, but especially on Heroes. HRG, Claire, and emo doofus Peter have all died. Hell, even Maya died once already. But she came back! Yet George Takei‘s character is one of the only ones to stay dead. How is that fair?

2) Hiro and Ando apart. No matter what, Hiro has been my favorite character on this show from the pilot. His unabashed glee over the discovery of his time-traveling teleportation powers have made him one of TV’s coolest geeks. But without his loyal and equally geeky best friend by his side, Hiro has no one to spout Star Trek and X-Men in-jokes to. The pair seem to be a stand-in for every comic book fanboy/girl who watches the show and having Ando languish in an office while Hiro is off playing Toshiro Mifune in feudal Japan (or a really obvious Hollywood backlot, if you will) kills the fun.

1) Heroes sucking. I hate sounding like a proprietary fangirl. I’m not Tim Kring, so it’s not up to me to decide the direction of the show. I just remember waiting impatiently for the next episode, and the last time I felt that was probably after “Company Man” in the first season. I continue to watch for the characters I still like, for the moments of fun and surprise the show is still capable of. The writers’ strike probably didn’t help the second season and neither did the focus on Peter. I’m hoping the hiatus has given the creators and writers an opportunity to refocus. It worked for Lost, which returned from its early third season batch of episodes better than ever. Giving Heroes a subtitle like “Villains” is already keeping expectations high. I hope the show rises to the occasion because when Heroes was good, it was a hell of a lot of fun.

Heroes premieres tonight, Monday, Sept. 22nd at 9 P.M. EST with a recap special airing beforehand at 8 P.M.

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Theresa DeLucci

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